When I first arrived my host mother asked me if I was ‘ashamed’ which, in context, I took to mean shy. However, I felt somewhat disconcerted by the experience and since then I’ve contemplated this word a lot. For some shyness seems to come very naturally, and in many personal battles against it, shyness often wins. The word ‘shy’ in English translates to the Chinese word haixiu (害羞). Interestingly, ‘hai’ means to harm while ‘xiu’ means, “I. Shy. II. Disgrace. III. Shame,” (Collins 155, 445). I would love to say that shyness is just a personality trait, but I don’t believe that is true anymore. I’m starting to agree with the Chinese. Shyness is more about a person’s inability in a given moment to overcome their perceived inadequacies.
Monday dawned hot and muggy. Even the locals said so. That afternoon I took the same bus I took two Mondays ago in order to check out a vocal class on SCU’s new campus. Progress: I tried very hard to ask where it was going and even though I only got a funny look from the lady, I knew she understood me. I arrived on campus with only a Chinese class schedule and a vague idea when the class was supposed to begin. On my way I saw a girl who I stopped to ask “Duibuqi, Qing wen, Zhe ge ni zhidao ma?” Miraculously, she understood me and told me to follow her. She led me to the classroom, where we found out that it wouldn’t start for another hour and a half. But instead of leaving she stayed with me. We ended up in the cool of the key keeper’s office with three first year girls, an elderly man with the same surname as me, and an elderly woman who might have been his wife. There we talked in a mix of broken Chinese and English (mostly Chinese). I found out that my guide studies Russian and really likes the song “Silent Night.” She even asked for my help in getting the tune right. She went further by not only accompanying me to the class, but also coming with me to find any other classes that would fit my schedule.
Talk about not being shy or ashamed. I think it rubbed off on me, too. I found myself speaking more Chinese without any reservations, even though I knew I was butchering it. I was asked to sing, not once, but twice. One time it was in front of a whole class! Usually, I would politely decline. I can’t explain what made me say yes, but afterward I don’t know why I ever said no. How freeing to just put away your inadequacies, or better yet, use them to your advantage. My newfound friend is total proof of this. She claimed that her English was poor compared to her Russian, yet as the day went on it improved tenfold. Also, she kept a constant smile. If I was imposing on her day, she did not let it show.
My friend’s English may not have been perfect, but her absolute willingness to help a complete stranger was. I am not in a position to find her weaknesses, only my own. But as we walked together in the extreme heat for those many hours I saw her strengths and noticed that they were contagious. Thanks to her kindness my strengths found new outlets. Shyness-0 Lehyla-1.
