After this week I sometimes feel like I am not supposed to apply the analects to me, but rather give the reverse a chance: Let life apply me to it. Even with all the reminders I gave myself about the foundations I still learned lessons I did not expect to learn. Some were kind tokens of love and, sadly, others were not. Emotions ran themselves ragged going up, down, backwards, and at one point, there might have been a summersault. But I have made it to the end of the week with some very noteworthy experiences.
Someone told me a few days ago that I am out of touch with people, that I am self-absorbed, and live in my own little world. It took a long time for me to think of how to reply. (I don’t know about you, but I don’t recover from a smack to the head with a 2x4 with a quick comeback). So I went about my business keeping in mind that I did not want to start an argument, but rather remember, “Filial piety and brotherly love are, perhaps, the foundation of humanity,” (Wangdao 53). Instead I decided to thank this person for the tough love and see if I could spot times in my daily life when I am indeed out of touch. When I looked at my life I noticed definite areas where I could improve. Consequently, I have been reminding myself to ask more questions, particularly about people and their lives. Hopefully this tactic and others (e.g. frequent notes of love and appreciation) will especially help me grow closer to my family members although we all live in different locations. Under Confucian ideology, the very foundation of loyalty to the emperor was the importance of a strong, united family.
Recently, I have developed a general formula to answer the question “To know me you have to understand…” My theory is that most people could finish this sentence with one physical and one emotional reference to their lives. For instance, for me to finish the sentence I would say “…my weight and my family situation." If an actress were to play me, an understanding of both of these would be essential for her to deliver an accurate portrayal of my life. Of course, with everyone there is always more, but at a very basic level these are two of the most important things regarding me. And as anyone could guess, sometimes these things have the tendency to provoke a wide range of emotions.
Saturday alone, I experienced the full range regarding my physical appearance. In the beginning, a comment from an old man, ignorant of how courtesy works in English, nearly drove me to the point of telling him off in a public place—something not worth doing. For hours afterwards I wished I had. But, what was it to him? Culturally, some things that are not talked about in America can easily be considered small talk here. Needless to say, it took me a long time to calm down. With the help of a friend I talked it out. During that conversation my emotional scale tipped completely over to the gratitude side. With all the reasons I can think of for the way I am it does not alter the fact that I have been given what I have for a reason. The world has so many fantastic people and I happen to have a body big enough to fit a lot of love—given and received. That love is the foundation of humanity. I’m happy to say that my cup runneth over.
I hope throughout this week, particularly on Thursday, we all can count our surplus of blessings. Enjoy the turkey, pies, and the other fantastic food. For me, it will be homemade hamburgers! Happy Thanksgiving!!
