The Confucius Experiment

How to Chengdu

2009-02-27T06:09:00.001-08:00

Keeping Time

2008-12-31T03:20:00.000-08:00

"Clock don't mark the hours because I'm going nuts." There is a song in Spanish that translates to this slightly absurd sentence. It's also how I felt upon leaving Siem Reap, Cambodia on December 30 at seven in the morning.

My watch of five plus years lies on the window seal of a room in a guesthouse twelve bus-ride hours away from Ho Chi Minh, where I currently await my flight to Hong Kong. Time should just stop now that the relationship between my watch and I--one full of trust and forgiveness--is over. But I know time and my watch too well. Time my watch continues to keep, time it still takes to do anything of value in this world, yet there is no such thing as time. This is the one point of disagreement my watch and I battled frequently. Now that it keeps the time for no one (until it is found presumably) I wonder if I've ultimately won.

Even as I revel in my victory, however, I'm curious to know what time it is. Temptation to ask a fellow traveler to let me consult her watch tickles my fancy. To what end? It will only mark my actions in a measurable capacity. What is the use when I am in the midst of unfamiliar country? I have interesting company, food, sunshine, and pleasant experiences ahead. No, I will be content to sit back and ignore time this time.

The Gentleman is Open and at Ease

2008-12-08T03:08:00.000-08:00

Confucius said, "The gentleman is open and at ease; the small man is full of worries and anxieties," (Wangdao 115).

I feel overconfident in my readiness for my final. Actually, I am repeating that to myself wishing it were true. Even so! It's the last week of school and, unfortunately, Chengdu, China. There is still much to see, learn, and enjoy. As a sidenote, Chengdu as a whole must be full of gentlemen (many people joke that this city is one of the most relaxed in China).

I Keep on Falling

2008-12-08T02:37:00.000-08:00

I used to be afraid of falling. Then I saw an actress do it professionally and I decided to learn how to fake a fall. For weeks during the fall of my sophomore year in high school I would walk over to my town’s church lawn and practice throwing myself to the ground. Safely, of course. I decided to learn how to roller-blade and do cartwheels to compliment my Free-falling 101. If they had all been real subjects I might have received a “C” in Roller-blading and a “B+” in Cartwheels. Free-falling, however, I would have passed with flying colors. Here’s how I know:

The other day I looked out the kitchen window down seventeen stories. I thought about what it would be like to fall or to have to jump. “Scary,” I thought. But I didn’t fully mean it. While the most I’ve fallen is the distance from my head to my feet, I do know what it feels like to fall. That feeling is the scary part. Now that the risk has been taken, the fear of the unknown is gone.

Taking risks is the unwritten connotation behind both “falling short” and “going too far.” Each implies that one must act in order to have an end result on either end of the spectrum. Ultimately the end result is the effect of a choice.

Sometimes the choice is made subconsciously from the very start. In my life, I’ve noticed this usually coincides with “falling short.” “Going too far” requires the choice to reach your goal. Afterwards is the problem. People have the tendency to want to take things to the next level without creating a new goal. This is where good intentions and bad results factor in. However, I have to applaud even the people who go too far. We’re made to learn from mistakes. Total contentment is like a teacher more interested in counting Myspace friends than teaching. Inactivity does not create or counteract change.

Now that it is my last week in China, I’ve been wondering how I’ve fared overall. When it comes to Chinese, I think there has been improvement. While I have fallen short in the last couple weeks, I still feel the desire to continue learning. It’s like the frog in the math equation; if, for every two inches a frog hops back it hops three inches forward, what is the distance it will have traveled in three minutes? The answer: further along than when it started. It didn’t take go backwards to continue going backwards! Eventually it will want to get somewhere so it keeps moving. What if it goes beyond its original destination into some dark, gloomy swamp? Just like us, the frog has its talents and can use them to get where he wants to go.

The hop is the risk, but it’s necessary. It can also be enjoyable. I truly believe that the journey— full of reckless, free-falling, stomach-flipping hops—is supposed to be full of heartache and joy.

Going Too Far and Falling Short

2008-12-01T08:50:00.000-08:00

Zigong asked, "Who is more virtuous, Shi or Shang?"
Confucius said, "Shi often goes too far, and Shang often falls short."
"Does that mean Shi is better?"
Confucius said, "Going too far is the same as falling short," (Wangdao 205).

If I did not hypothesize for this week, would it be considered falling short? I think it would simply because I have made it a part of every week. The curious thing about this week is how to fix the situation when you've gone too far or fallen short. Is there a way to fix it? I can see myself botching something and feeling the need to fix it, but will I be able to? Stay tuned for the answers to these questions and more in next weeks installment of (duh, duh, duh) The Confucius Experiment.

In Corner One: Sincerity

2008-12-01T08:42:00.000-08:00

Earlier in the day I considered acting on the feeling I had of not wanting to go. Instead I told myself to get rid of that defeatist attitude and make sure I had a good time.

Yes, there were many questions at English Corner (quite often repeated back to back) about where I am from and what school I go to. However, I was also asked some very intriguing questions. Some of them included being asked how to prevent AIDS in view of December 1st being International AIDS Awareness Day. I ended up having a discussion about creative writing and how to go about developing your own personal style. The man that spoke to me on that subject stunned me; He is the only Chinese person I have met so far that has successfully developed a very American accent. There was an eleven year-old girl there with her father whose English name is the same as my grandmother. At one point during the night, she began to tell a very funny story about a boy in her class. She was very shy and her English wasn’t all put together, but I had to laugh in that she was laughing so hard at her own story. It reminded me of when I would just gab on and on even when the people I talked to weren’t listening anymore. Oh wait, that still happens ;)

In the end, I was one of the last people to leave after talking way too much about TV shows and giving a couple of the guys unusual English names. One of the people I met actually studied in Singapore the same year that I did, except that he attended NUS instead of NTU. I really felt that I had come away feeling just how small the world is.

When you are in a country where a large number of students have been learning a language for many years without a lot of practice, it’s inevitable that you meet those who just want to speak instead of become friends. I don’t think this is a purely Chinese phenomenon. If all American students spent their whole lives learning Chinese and suddenly had the opportunity to speak to a Chinese tourist, I know I would take it. However, that does not diminish the importance of remembering to be heartfelt.

Last year at ASU I decided to eat at the cafeteria one night. I had recently found out that I had been accepted to study at Sichuan University. During my meal I noticed two Chinese girls come and sit in a booth near my table. For the rest of my meal I debated whether or not I should talk to them. I felt that I had no reason to fear talking to them, but even at the time I knew that I mostly wanted to say out loud that I would be studying in China one day.

Just as they were leaving I turned to ask one of them where they were from. Sadly, I don’t remember what city either girl said. I remember getting to tell them that I would be in Chengdu the following semester. I remember the looks on their faces that probably said the same thing as mine has said often enough here. “I realize that I’m a foreigner and that, for some reason, gives you the incentive to treat me like an old friend but what I would rather have is someone who just wants to be a friend.”

It doesn’t matter what my real intent was in talking to them because I realize that it goes both ways. I’ll bet that those girls were a lot of fun to be around and yet I was more involved in letting them know that I will be going to their country to study. For some reason I thought that it would brighten their day. Perhaps by speaking English to me some here feel that they are brightening my day. Yet without sincerity behind these introductions both sides get a very empty experience. No one likes those. I could not be recommended as a friend for what I said to those two girls simply because it had no value.

On the flip side, it’s good to remember not to discredit the wisdom in someone’s words just because of their personality. I am still wondering what made that guy talk about AIDS Awareness at English Corner. Maybe he has a family member who is afflicted. Perhaps he was just nervous and needed a topic familiar to everyone. Either way, I’m glad he did. AIDS is important to discuss as well and I truly didn’t know that December 1st was a significant day. I think we can accurately say that sincerity can lead to a better knowledge and understanding of people, which can lead to stronger relationships.

Personality and Words

2008-11-23T04:07:00.000-08:00

Confucius said, "The gentleman does not recommend a man because of what he says, nor does he ignore what a man says because of his personality," (Wangdao 181).

I'm very interested to see how this analect will shape the upcoming week. I think that at the very least I am bound to learn something intriguing about people in general or perhaps specific things about people I already know. Either way, I am expecting another experience-packed week.

Founding Gratitude

2008-11-23T03:59:00.000-08:00

After this week I sometimes feel like I am not supposed to apply the analects to me, but rather give the reverse a chance: Let life apply me to it. Even with all the reminders I gave myself about the foundations I still learned lessons I did not expect to learn. Some were kind tokens of love and, sadly, others were not. Emotions ran themselves ragged going up, down, backwards, and at one point, there might have been a summersault. But I have made it to the end of the week with some very noteworthy experiences.

Someone told me a few days ago that I am out of touch with people, that I am self-absorbed, and live in my own little world. It took a long time for me to think of how to reply. (I don’t know about you, but I don’t recover from a smack to the head with a 2x4 with a quick comeback). So I went about my business keeping in mind that I did not want to start an argument, but rather remember, “Filial piety and brotherly love are, perhaps, the foundation of humanity,” (Wangdao 53). Instead I decided to thank this person for the tough love and see if I could spot times in my daily life when I am indeed out of touch. When I looked at my life I noticed definite areas where I could improve. Consequently, I have been reminding myself to ask more questions, particularly about people and their lives. Hopefully this tactic and others (e.g. frequent notes of love and appreciation) will especially help me grow closer to my family members although we all live in different locations. Under Confucian ideology, the very foundation of loyalty to the emperor was the importance of a strong, united family.

Recently, I have developed a general formula to answer the question “To know me you have to understand…” My theory is that most people could finish this sentence with one physical and one emotional reference to their lives. For instance, for me to finish the sentence I would say “…my weight and my family situation." If an actress were to play me, an understanding of both of these would be essential for her to deliver an accurate portrayal of my life. Of course, with everyone there is always more, but at a very basic level these are two of the most important things regarding me. And as anyone could guess, sometimes these things have the tendency to provoke a wide range of emotions.

Saturday alone, I experienced the full range regarding my physical appearance. In the beginning, a comment from an old man, ignorant of how courtesy works in English, nearly drove me to the point of telling him off in a public place—something not worth doing. For hours afterwards I wished I had. But, what was it to him? Culturally, some things that are not talked about in America can easily be considered small talk here. Needless to say, it took me a long time to calm down. With the help of a friend I talked it out. During that conversation my emotional scale tipped completely over to the gratitude side. With all the reasons I can think of for the way I am it does not alter the fact that I have been given what I have for a reason. The world has so many fantastic people and I happen to have a body big enough to fit a lot of love—given and received. That love is the foundation of humanity. I’m happy to say that my cup runneth over.

I hope throughout this week, particularly on Thursday, we all can count our surplus of blessings. Enjoy the turkey, pies, and the other fantastic food. For me, it will be homemade hamburgers! Happy Thanksgiving!!

Finding the Foundation

2008-11-16T06:36:00.000-08:00

Today, as I contemplated writing a new post, I realized that I have not been following my own guidelines very well this week. The experiment is about applying an analect to my week, not stamping it on top of an already completed 7 days. This week, out of respect for the experiment, I am going to continue with the same analect. Considering it is about "foundations," I feel that beginning again from scratch is not entirely a bad thing. Instead of just going where the flow takes me I am going to remember this quote and how I can be a better friend, student, host daughter, etc. through it.

The Foundation of Humanity

2008-11-10T06:05:00.000-08:00

Youzi (one of Confucius' most learned disciples) said, "There is hardly anyone who is filial to his parents and respectful to his elder brothers but offends his superiors. There is never anyone who is not inclined to offend his superiors but is inclined to rebel. The gentleman directs his efforts to the foundation of things, because only when the foundation is established can the Way emerge. Filial piety and brotherly love are, perhaps, the foundation of humanity," (Wangdao 53).

Hakuna Matata

2008-11-10T05:56:00.000-08:00

Before I came to China I watched the Travel Channel’s “China Week” that promoted the Olympics and Chinese tourism. My favorite hosts, Anthony Bourdain and Samantha Brown, went to Beijing, Shanghai, Xi’an, and even Chengdu. Watching reminded me a lot of when I watched travel shows like “Lonely Planet” as a kid. Instead of wishing that someday I would get the chance to go to the places I learned about, I watched the episodes of Chengdu with building excitement that my ticket was already booked.

One of my friend’s mom said to me after she found out that I was coming to China, “It’s really good that you’re following your dreams!” I thought at the time that perhaps she was taking things too far. In my mind I was just studying abroad. But I see now that she was right. My goal as a kid (influenced by shows like “Lonely Planet”) was to travel the world. I think at some point during the last few years I forgot that it was actually a goal and viewed it more as a wish or a hope. Luckily, things have gone in an entirely different direction than what I expected in high school. Hallelujah!

As mentioned before, Samantha Brown visited the ancient capital and that episode was my main reference for this past weekend. Xi’an is the city where China’s first emperor came to power. The surrounding area is home to many archeological discoveries, the biggest being the Terracotta Soldiers. The city itself is enclosed within an ancient wall that runs 13.5 km (roughly 8 miles) around the center. This was the city that—more than any other city in China—I had to visit. I wasn’t disappointed either. My favorite part was definitely biking the perimeter of the ancient wall. I also really loved the weather in that it was dry, cool, and totally reminded me of Arizona’s autumns. Aside from the overabundance of KFC’s and McDonald’s (many more than in Chengdu), I thoroughly enjoyed everything from the Eighth Wonder of the World (Terracotta Army) to the huge fountain show at the Big Goose Pagoda.

The trip reminded me that the future needs goals. I figured this out right after high school when I suddenly realized that all my major goals were either accomplished or not applicable upon graduation. Ever since then I have gradually returned to an astonishingly similar set of goals that I had as a child. Back then I wanted to travel, to write, to go to college, and to have a family. On a very basic level that is all I’ve ever wanted and what I work for every day. These goals, and the knowledge that they all transcend worldly worries, makes it possible for me to stay close to truth.

In this sense, Confucius hit the nail on the head. By thinking about the future my immediate worries are that much closer to being taken care of because I know where I want to be. I can remember feeling lost and useless when I did not know what it was I strived for. Every day was a struggle, but when an end point is in sight, every day is just one step closer. Hakuna Matata.

Thoughts About the Future and Immediate Worries

2008-11-02T04:13:00.000-08:00

Confucius said, "He who does not think of the future is certain to have immediate worries," (Wangdao 83).

My Chinese midterm is this Thursday. Enough said :)

Trick-or-Bargaining

2008-11-02T00:58:00.000-07:00

“万圣节快乐!” or ‘Happy Halloween,’ came out of my mouth at least twice to everyone I met on Friday. I LOVE Halloween and this year it fell on the weekend, so plans began long before the day arrived. My friends and I could not decide on costumes, but ideas were flying about like turbo-speed trapeze artists. Some of the favorites included robots/nerds, chicks from the 80’s, and a dragon. Eventually we decided that 80’s chicks would be fastest and easiest so we bought leg warmers and made our hair (particularly mine) gigantic puffballs. We found a shop to do our hair and make-up. It was more like an 8x10 pink hole in the wall that un-hygienically used the same tools for every customer. But the girls did a good job making us up and by midnight we were ready to party. Even though Halloween outside the U.S. isn’t quite as full of candy, crazy costumes, and trick-or-treating as the states, we still saw our fair share, making this Halloween one of the most memorable experiences.

Rewinding just a tad, I want to make a little comment about bargaining in China. First off, I have to mention that every time I have tried to bargain in the past I have failed. Second off, bargaining in another language is always an interesting experience and you don’t always end up getting quite what you want, except for this time.

Like I mentioned before, my friends and I bought legwarmers. We purchased four pairs for the price of about $10. They started out, however at 25 RMB per pair. My friend said that 50 for two pairs was too much, but the woman was not willing to come down with the price. Something inside of me just had to have these legwarmers! I began to talk with the woman in Chinese, employing every tactic I remembered and piece of dialogue we learned in class about bargaining. They say the basic rule is to take the price they give you and divide it in half, keeping in mind the top price you are willing to pay. Then you gradually work your way up to an agreement. “They” must be right because we ended up going from 110 RMB for all four pairs down to 60 RMB. It was a Halloween miracle!

Later, however, another friend and I went to buy her costume. Again, bargaining was necessary. For a while it seemed that neither the seller or buyer would budge in their desired prices, but somehow (probably because we would not just leave) they brought the price down to one my friend was willing to pay. I can see now why many people like to bargain. It can be pretty fun, but I like how it relates to this week’s analect.

There have been many times when I have wished someone had been there to help me bargain, or in some cases, just communicate in general. While practicing the language with locals by yourself can be educational, sometimes it can also be more stressful than fun. Every so often, a friend is needed to just come along and give moral support. I felt glad that I could help my friends get what they wanted out of their shopping experiences. With the many people who have helped me since I’ve come to China, how could I not use what little Chinese I know to facilitate communication?

Right now I just want to mention a few people who have really helped to “establish” my place in their community. First of all I have to mention my host mother. It amazes me how well she has put up with my shortcomings. She has invited me into her world (not to mention her home) to meet her family, her colleagues, and her friends. She helps me with my Chinese and has become a very good friend. I’m glad that we can laugh and chat in two different languages, yet still understand one another. Second, I’m very thankful for my Chinese teacher. This week we experienced two different substitutes and neither of them knew our class well enough to connect on some level to every student. I feel that my teacher’s awareness of each student’s progress in the class is the best indicator that he is a fantastic teacher. Lastly, even though there are so many others, I want to mention my classmates. Learning a language is more like being in a choir than attending lectures. People have their strengths and weaknesses that make the team a dynamic entity. I enjoy watching how my classmates interact with each other. It makes me realize that this is how success comes about. All around me are better listeners, better speakers, students who know more characters, some have fantastic pronunciation, but we all like to talk with each other in a mix of our mother tongues and Chinese. Everyone’s excitement for this language and culture makes the classroom environment very pleasurable and relaxed. I could not ask for a better place or better people for which to surround myself.

Helping Others to Be Established

2008-10-27T02:41:00.000-07:00

"A humane person is one who helps others to be established when he wishes to be established himself, and helps others to be successful when he wishes to be successful himself. To start from one's own desires can be said to be a way of practicing humanity," (Wangdao 7).

I really love this analect. If I can have one experience this week where someone helps me in this manner or I help someone else, I would be grateful. They happen often, but I've seen so many times when what is normally just thought of as cool becomes quite profound when juxtaposed to one of Confucius' analects. Even though what I'm about to say I'm saying with a cold and fever, while it's raining, I do think it is going to be a fantastic week!

America the--Wait, but This is China, People!

2008-10-27T02:35:00.000-07:00

Before writing this I took the time to review all my past entries. Remembering the experiences I shared brought back more than memories. Emotions I felt and my thoughts at the time also came back to me. Interestingly though, I also learned new things about the past two months and the plethora of situations I’ve been in.

When I studied engineering, that short stint of unnecessary difficulty, the best lesson I took away was how to think like an engineer. This is not saying that I actually do think like one, but I like to think I can. One of the smartest steps in the common engineering thought process is to evaluate. Taking the time to do this can prevent many major problems simply because through it the minor ones are quickly solved. I like to compare this with my life as well, particularly with this week’s analect in mind.

Reviewing is not forgetting. That has definitely been the easy part of this week. But I found ‘knowing daily what has not yet been learned’ a difficult concept. On the one hand, I thought it could refer to learning something new every day, like another adage. However, I think it has a lot more to do with evaluating.

This weekend I went with a large group of American students to Emei Shan and Leshan. I found the experience as a whole to be very enjoyable. Unfortunately, there were moments when I felt somewhat unnerved by the attitudes and actions of many in the group. Sometimes I worried that I, too, had been carved into a stereotypical American through my actions and viewpoints. This is why I am so grateful for Chinese food, particularly the spicy loveliness of Sichuan cuisine.

I now eat like a Chinese person. Chopsticks have become second nature and to use a spoon or fork, even to dish out food to my bowl, seems totally uncivilized. On a funny side note, I got a little out of hand, literally, with my chopsticks. Slightly to thwart the other students’ complaints about how difficult chopsticks are to use, and slightly to show off, I used my left hand to pick up a potato in sauce without resorting to stabbing it. But hey, at least we weren’t talking about who doesn’t like/eat what for a few minutes.

I used to say ‘When in Rome…’ meaning if I was with Westerners I would eat like a Westerner, etc. I don’t say that anymore, not after this weekend. This is not say I don’t like my classmates as individuals, but as a group I feel that trying to create Little America in China definitely does not translate well. A common social trend in America is to have things customized to our tastes. While this is quite convenient for many items, food is not one of them. I think food has to be experienced the way locals love it (unless we’re talking about people with severe allergies and/or illnesses). Even in these cases, however, I find that Americans find a sort of satisfaction in repeating every gastronomic restriction they own. It makes for very redundant dinner conversation.

Chinese people in America would do no such thing. Every food is appreciated for what it is. If one dish satiates more than another it is highly praised instead of the other dish repeatedly scorned. In this way, what has not been known (the delicious) has been learned for the day. Appreciation for the satisfaction it brings ensues in all who tasted its succulence. The key, then, to knowing every day what has not been learned, is appreciation, which requires evaluation.

Looking over my notes from the past two months, I realize how much I appreciate this country. Everything I have encountered so far has served to teach me something deep and intriguing about life in general. Sometimes I worry that my classmates from all over the world, but especially the other Americans, are not delving into their experiences fully. Sometimes I worry that I don’t either! But I do feel that appreciation for China is more prevalent in our generation than many past. Hopefully, we can all use it every day in knowing what has yet to be learned and remembering to be fond of this learning.

Knowing What Has Not Been Learned

2008-10-19T06:23:00.000-07:00

Zixia (one of Confucius' disciples) said, "One can be said to be fond of learning if one knows daily what has not yet been learned and does not forget every month what has been learned," (Wangdao 157).

Today is October 19 and I have been in China exactly two months. Some evaluation is probably long overdue so that is why this week's analect is so perfect. I believe it is a perfect analect to start a new week with, and, since this is pretty much my half-way point in Chengdu, a great way to get a second wind. I predict that many good experiences will come this week if I put as much energy into remembering and learning from this analect as I have during the first few weeks of the experiment.

Black Ink on White Paper

2008-10-19T05:40:00.000-07:00

My art class left the east gate on Tuesday to visit the home of a local painter and calligraphist. Many of my classmates had him for a calligraphy teacher, but I had never met him. We arrived at his beautiful lakeside home and went up to his studio. He pulled out a piece of paper and some ink and simply began to paint a rock. Out of a long squiggly line and a few small strokes came this majestic, traditional-looking painting of a rock. He then held out the brush and asked if anyone would like to try. My classmate’s rock painting looked very much like his. Perhaps this made the rest of us believe Chinese traditional painting was not as hard as it looked. However, as each of us took our turns observing and copying the master, first painting bamboo, then trees, and finally flowers, we all realized that 'easy' was not the right word to describe Chinese paintings.

The word I would use is simple. The teacher that took us there said that she had heard once that black ink on white paper was art. That may be true in the case of the rock. However, as my classmates and I can testify, some random strokes with a nice brush won’t turn a blob of blue ink into a lotus flower or a black line into a bamboo stem. It takes the right stroke in the right place with all sorts of correct pressure and other useful techniques. I am not even an amateur, so I don’t know these things. I only noticed that the artist started with one long stroke. To that he added shorter ones with less ink. Stroke upon stroke, without seeming to have a vision of anything grand (he was just showing us examples of common landscapes), he created art.

He took care to make his landscapes look real, but he took more care to make them balanced, which is an important part of Chinese art. From the firm black splotch of ink on white paper came lovely rocks and trees with blooming flowers. Nothing was splashy and overly done. The colors used were not gaudy. In fact, at first it didn’t look like there was going to be any color, only water on the paper. But when the ink dried, the lotus flower he had just painted was a dramatic silvery blue. I don’t think any of us left unimpressed by the artist’s talent. Also, none of us left without being humbled by the ease and comfort with which he painted. The whole time I kept thinking about how the point of painting is not to recreate the real, but to capture the emotion of the subject. Technique is a side-note, only a tool used to produce a proper vessel from which the sentiments of a painting can emanate.

We learned how to paint rocks, bamboo, trees, lotus flowers, and cherry blossoms. It would seem to me that nature says a thing or two about being firm, resolute, simple, and reticent. Rocks are the firm. Trees and bamboo are the resolute. Lotus plants are the simple and cherry blossoms constantly reticent. If these natural, inhuman beings can embody the qualities that Confucius says are “close to being humane” then what should humans be able to do? We paint them apparently. But in China everything is intertwined and has been for thousands of years. Painting is not for show or to produce change necessarily. I believe landscape art in China can be viewed as a reminder of the Middle Road, or the Way. Confucianism as an ideology has been the focus of all people from the government to the common peasant. It is not surprising that we can also find his teachings in traditional Chinese art.

Being Rirm, Resolute, SImple and Reticent

2008-10-13T02:47:00.000-07:00

Confucius said, "Being firm, resolute, simple and reticent is close to being humane," (Wangdao 21).

子曰：刚，毅，木，讷近仁。

zi yue: gang, yi, mu, ne jin ren.

I have decided to share the old Chinese for the analect this week in that it is very short. It doesn't help all that much for me to learn the meaning of the analect in Chinese, even though the old-style language is fun to practice. But I wanted to show how short the Chinese can sometimes look against the English. It's amazing the connotations that the smallest of words have when they're put together, whereas English, as my friends and I have figured out, is full of adjectives. Yet each language conveys the same meanings. I love how language plays a major role in human communication. Sometimes it plays a large role in miscommunication, too. I've noticed, lately, that the more I learn about how to speak in Chinese, the more I speak in both languages. Telling stories constantly, I think at times I hog the limelight. Language is a beautiful tool, but interesting people are interested. So this week, I am going to let others tell their stories in whatever way is comfortable for them, instead of filling up even the quiet moments with my own.

Ordinary Me

2008-10-13T02:35:00.000-07:00

This week the most extraordinary thing that can happen to anyone abroad happened. I led an ordinary life! By ordinary I mean the accumulation of little choices, errands, and incidents that make up daily life. In a way, these things are 日用品, or daily necessities. We don’t always need to visit a temple hours out of town. Sometimes chatting with a friend brings just as much, if not more, joy and fulfillment. Wednesday I went to the bank; what a normal thing to do! Later that day I took a walk. I think at some point I killed a bug. It’s like how much more bland could it get? And the answer is none, none more bland! Yet I enjoyed the normalcy for the simple fact that these are the things that make up life no matter where in the world you happen to be.

As a part of the assimilation I’m attempting I avoided all of my own music this week, instead choosing to listen to Chinese radio (where an early morning Willy Nelson tune isn’t quite as uncommon as you’d think). I decided to forego my American way of keeping writing utensils, opting for the very Asian mode of a cutesy pencil case stuffed with supplies. While it sounds more like petty amusement than assimilation I think it’s things like pencil cases that help me put all the big issues into perspective.

Confucius mentioned putting more blame on yourself than others for ‘all faults.’ I put this to the test this week. I found that paired with the lovely also comes the “small stuff” that usually produces buckets of sweat.

Let’s go back to the bank Wednesday. I went to the bank hoping to deposit a check into my account. First I take a number. No surprise, there are forty-three people in front of me. So I wait. When my number is called I take out the check I had written during a prior attempt. The teller asks me for my passport. “Good sign,” I think. Last time they said I needed to go to a higher branch without bothering to ask for my passport. Soon, however, there is a discussion about how I wrote my name in print in one place, but signed in the other. I explained that away, but someone said the real problem was that my middle name was not fully written out. So I tried to just fill it in on the written check, but no such luck. They said to use my other (also my last) check to rewrite it. While I’m writing they tell me that it will take two months to deposit the check unless I go to a higher branch. “Higher, of course,” I think.

After a fruitless hour I leave in a much fouler mood than when I arrived. But instead of letting it brood I ask myself, “what am I truly angry over?” The answer came as usual, that it was a buildup of issues. But “what was my fault and what could I not control?” I ask. I start from the beginning. First, I should not have written the check prior to going to the bank. Just that one small matter of doing things the Chinese way over my way would have saved, not one check, but two. I couldn’t help the long line or the two-month waiting period, but getting over the wasting of two checks, which was my mistake, helped me put the whole experience up to, well, experience. It took the twenty-minute bike ride home to think this through. Twenty short minutes compared to a whole afternoon wasted on a flared temper and all the energy required keeping it up.

Throughout the whole week I had small frustrations arise. That’s normal, just as normal as taking a walk or killing a bug. But the major difference is the turnaround back to the Middle Road, or the Way. The perspective I choose to keep all depends on my perspective of me. Am I ordinary or extraordinary? There’s a quote from a great movie that asks, “I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?” Is it ever possible to just be ordinary? I think so. Ordinary is the new extraordinary, but any connoisseur of the little things in life already knows that.

Self-reproach and Reproaching Others

2008-10-05T07:26:00.000-07:00

Confucius said, "One can keep hatred and grievances away by putting more blame on oneself and less on others for any fault," (Wangdao 85).

This past week has been a hard week. Sadly to say, I have not handled it in the most loving of ways either. So remembering this week's analect is my goal. If I'm sincere, I think by the end I'll have had so many good experiences that I won't know what to share! But first, I need to mend my ways and dive into the rest of what Chengdu has to offer.

Hitting the Wall

2008-10-05T06:59:00.000-07:00

This week I went though what some call the second phase of culture shock. Borrowing a term I heard once, I call it ‘hitting the wall.’ It’s a phase where daily life seems to be an illusion, like if you fold away the top layer you’d see everything being done in the way you’re used to. Sometimes during the period you let yourself get frustrated to the point of anger. That feeling is hard to shake.

I think in order to get over the wall or break through it you have to employ some interesting tactics. In the past it has helped for me to get away to a different place. You don’t know what you got until it’s gone, right? This time I found myself at the tops of temples looking out over farms, rivers, factories, and other symbols of Chinese history. Yet there I was at the top. Sometimes I found myself inside the main shrine room at a temple. Pious worshipers kowtowed and gave gifts while I stood in the back intently observing, always the outsider. At first I resented my position. Of course, that was the culture shock talking. Now I see that I don’t have to go away or resign to eating at McDonald’s or KFC to get over culture shock. I just have to believe that there is no wall.

What does this have to do with this week’s analect? I think that governing a state must be hard. Governing oneself is hard enough, let alone 1000 chariots. There are many ways to govern as well. Just look at the differences between China and the United States. I think both countries and every other country have developed in imperfect ways. Like most individuals, I think government officials will really only be able to say that they tried. Perhaps nine out of ten fail or maybe it’s the opposite. Either way I agree with Confucius when he said, “To govern means to be upright. Who would dare not to be upright if you took the lead in being upright?” (Wangdao 131). If there are still people taking the time to climb mountains and worship then someone must be doing something right. It all boils down to faith in my opinion. The wall you hit and continue to bang your head against is actually just your reservoir of faith, which means there is an open door somewhere.

If none of this makes any sense (which it might not knowing the state I’m in at the moment) no worries. Below is a poem that I wrote after visiting one of the temples. It could serve as entertainment or further confusion :)

Processions with a cacophony of percussion
One beat in a thousand hits right on time
Smoke and ashes are the veil between life and death,
faith and fear
Dropping to fragile knees the old give all
The young follow their footsteps in flashy shoes and jeans
Their lives are colorful
but are they rich,
like the temples and the thick incense
that embrace the fabric of shirts, hats,
skin, memories, and lives?
If the scent does not linger
the smoke is not true
Truth lingers
carries on in waves,
the child of wanderlust
Everything is affected
and it bring us here
But I am just an outsider
This worship is just as foreign to me as I am to it
yet the smoke lingers on me
not knowing any differences
filling my nose with sweet-smelling wishes
my yellow hair a pillow for the ashes of prayers
I will take it,
the smoke and ashes
and prayers
One day a new wave will find me
Its wandering ways will be mine
and the smoke alive in my skin will linger here
no longer an outsider

Happy Birthday Confucius!

2008-10-01T00:50:00.000-07:00

Sunday was Confucius' 2559th birthday celebration. If you would like to see pictures of the celebration as reported by CCTV Channel 9, click on the link.

http://www.cctv.com/program/cultureexpress/20080930/101016.shtml

Reverence and Earnestness in Governing a State

2008-09-27T23:31:00.000-07:00

Confucius said, "In governing a state with a thousand chariots, one should deal with state affairs with reverence and earnestness, be trustworthy in what one says and thrifty in spending, love other men, and use the common people's labour in the right seasons," (Wangdao 139).

I'm not sure if it's because of the bailout Wallstreet is facing or other reasons, but I was led to the section in my book called "On Government." I am not sure if I have an hypothesis for this week. China's National Day is October 1st, which means that almost everyone has a whole week off of work and school. Because of this, it's possible that I will be traveling and seeing new things. I think we'll have to see how my experiences this week apply to the analect I've chosen. On my part, I couldn't even begin to guess.

A Battle Won and a Friend Gained

2008-09-27T22:56:00.000-07:00

When I first arrived my host mother asked me if I was ‘ashamed’ which, in context, I took to mean shy. However, I felt somewhat disconcerted by the experience and since then I’ve contemplated this word a lot. For some shyness seems to come very naturally, and in many personal battles against it, shyness often wins. The word ‘shy’ in English translates to the Chinese word haixiu (害羞). Interestingly, ‘hai’ means to harm while ‘xiu’ means, “I. Shy. II. Disgrace. III. Shame,” (Collins 155, 445). I would love to say that shyness is just a personality trait, but I don’t believe that is true anymore. I’m starting to agree with the Chinese. Shyness is more about a person’s inability in a given moment to overcome their perceived inadequacies.

Monday dawned hot and muggy. Even the locals said so. That afternoon I took the same bus I took two Mondays ago in order to check out a vocal class on SCU’s new campus. Progress: I tried very hard to ask where it was going and even though I only got a funny look from the lady, I knew she understood me. I arrived on campus with only a Chinese class schedule and a vague idea when the class was supposed to begin. On my way I saw a girl who I stopped to ask “Duibuqi, Qing wen, Zhe ge ni zhidao ma?” Miraculously, she understood me and told me to follow her. She led me to the classroom, where we found out that it wouldn’t start for another hour and a half. But instead of leaving she stayed with me. We ended up in the cool of the key keeper’s office with three first year girls, an elderly man with the same surname as me, and an elderly woman who might have been his wife. There we talked in a mix of broken Chinese and English (mostly Chinese). I found out that my guide studies Russian and really likes the song “Silent Night.” She even asked for my help in getting the tune right. She went further by not only accompanying me to the class, but also coming with me to find any other classes that would fit my schedule.

Talk about not being shy or ashamed. I think it rubbed off on me, too. I found myself speaking more Chinese without any reservations, even though I knew I was butchering it. I was asked to sing, not once, but twice. One time it was in front of a whole class! Usually, I would politely decline. I can’t explain what made me say yes, but afterward I don’t know why I ever said no. How freeing to just put away your inadequacies, or better yet, use them to your advantage. My newfound friend is total proof of this. She claimed that her English was poor compared to her Russian, yet as the day went on it improved tenfold. Also, she kept a constant smile. If I was imposing on her day, she did not let it show.

My friend’s English may not have been perfect, but her absolute willingness to help a complete stranger was. I am not in a position to find her weaknesses, only my own. But as we walked together in the extreme heat for those many hours I saw her strengths and noticed that they were contagious. Thanks to her kindness my strengths found new outlets. Shyness-0 Lehyla-1.

Finding Teachers in Others

2008-09-21T07:39:00.000-07:00

Confucius said, "Whenever I walk with two other men, I can always find teachers in them. I can learn from their good qualities, and correct those faults in me which are like theirs," (Wangdao 75).

I have a habit of taking on other's facial expressions as my own for the time that I know them. If I had a teacher who bit her lip or a friend who cocked his eyebrow, I would inevitably imitate them for no reason I can find. I think there are better ways to learn from others though. I enjoy thinking about my friends' ideas and opinions, as well as their strengths and weaknesses. A part of me is thinking that perhaps I chose too easy of an analect this week. But it felt right, so there must be something new that I can learn from it even though it is a process I go through naturally quite often.

The Gentleman, the trees, and Qing Cheng Shan

2008-09-21T06:54:00.000-07:00

What started out as me being pimped out for my English felt more like a blind date by the end of the night. My host mother said that a classmate of hers might want me to teach him English so I agreed to meet who I’ll call Mr. S. The three of us, Mr. S, my host mother, and I, met on Tuesday evening and proceeded to a park. Afterwards, we headed to a hot pot where we had dinner. Throughout the night he practiced his English with help from my host mother and I. However, he admitted that he did not have time to take formal lessons, but was content with being my friend. He said maybe next time we could go to a movie. (That’s a date, right?)

As I thought about the fun and interesting evening, I saw a connection to this week’s analects. Mr. S took quite the leap of faith to agree to meet a stranger in order to practice a new language. He impressed me. I had the feeling that he had made up his mind to get all the practice he could, whatever it took on his part. He proved that he is a man of action—the type of man that does what he says he will in a timely manner.

Going along the same lines, I found that in order for me to be that type of woman I had to really watch what I said. Anyone who knows me knows how I can rehash the same subject over and over, quite often while talking to myself. This week, even when I was the only person in the room, I had to make sure I didn’t bite off more than I could chew. It meant making the decision to treat everything I said as a promise that was absolutely necessary to keep. Looking over the past seven days I see how much I accomplished with this method. Homework, an important application, even laundry, all usually favorite procrastinations of mine, were projects I had to devote much time to because I told myself I would.

The grand finale, however, came today. I went to Qing Cheng Shan (Green City Mountain) with a couple of friends. We stayed Saturday night near the top of a beautiful mountain peak. Surrounded by real Chinese mountains, the kinds that look like the camel’s humps from the beginning of Aladdin, I appreciated how much I had missed mountain air. Our host said in the morning we would climb to the top.

I have been telling myself for months that I should take a good hike. Although there were plenty of mountains in Arizona I never took the opportunity to just set out one day and climb. Today Mr. Opportunity knocked and since I told myself I would answer, I had to obey. I won’t exaggerate; the hike was excruciating for me. Our destination usually took thirty minutes to walk to. I think it took me about an hour with all of my stops. Before the halfway mark I wanted to quit. I have been wondering why I didn’t. Yes, it helped to have a friend there bidding me to take my time, but that was not the only reason. Now I realize that there were many emotions that weren’t articulated into thoughts at the time. The most profound for me went, “if I give up on this what else am I just willing to give up?” The hike was the physical symbol of the person I want to be. Giving up one part definitely was not conducive to the ultimate goal.

During one of my many breaks our host said, “All the trees want light so they grow very tall.” Amidst the stunning trees, while drowning in my sweat and nearly toppling down the mountain from my pathetically sore legs, I also began to tear up. What a simple, yet beautiful sentiment. It brought to mind too many things to share in one little entry, but it worked magic up there on the mountain. Like the tree, I want light so I have to grow very tall. Climbing that mountain, though small, was still a step up.

Words and Deeds

2008-09-14T22:27:00.000-07:00

Confucius said, "The gentleman wishes to be slow in speech but quick in action." Confucius said, "The gentleman considers it a shame to talk more than he does." (Wangdao 173, 175).

This week I have decided to combine two shorter analects in that they are very closely related. Lately, I think I have fallen short in these areas, so I want to try harder this coming week. From what I've learned in the past, honesty is when words and actions match. All words and all actions. It sounds easy, but from my experience, it's not. As for a hypothesis, all I can say is that this will require a much larger comfort zone. Judging from my last post, I think mine is growing. However, I'm excited to see it stretched to its limits this week.

The Square and I

2008-09-14T21:30:00.000-07:00

There’s a funny rule about squares. All the sides are equal and every corner is 90° . If you are given a point you are free to travel in any direction. When you stop, turn 90° and go the exact same distance you went before. Repeat two more times and you’re back where you started, but look at what you’ve created: a baseball park, Hollywood Squares, a crossword puzzle, and many more quadrilateral phenomenons.

Another meaning for the word ‘square’ is to acclimate or adjust to fit. Surprisingly fitting in this case, I think. While somewhat more intangible, it requires no less inferring of the other three points. Confucius says that the lesson should not be repeated if a person could not complete the task of inferring a square. If you can’t make a square what exactly can you do? It’s easier than licking your lips, tying your shoes, using the toilet! But then again…

I got on the first bus I saw. It would be nice to blame inattentiveness due to hunger and the call of nature, but forty minutes southwest of Chengdu, I knew I couldn’t. The girl who had been anxious to understand everything her Chinese professor said was not the same girl who assumed that all buses exited from the West gate. Even worse, this was a girl who shied away from—rather avoided—public restrooms in China.

The bus stopped at what turned out to be the new campus of Sichuan University. Reluctantly alighting at the stern command of the bus driver, I realized that the eager, anxious girl in class and the girl willing to let her appendix bust rather than having to squat to use the toilet had to unite somehow.

The return trip to campus provided the opportunity to remember Confucius’ words. Why had I jumped on the first bus I saw? Had I been afraid to ask directions or more afraid of using Chinese outside the classroom? I admit it was a little of both. I still don’t know which bus exits out of West gate because I had not been eager to express what I could not express.

The bathroom dilemma was a different story. Every time I saw the porcelain holes I thought, “Why would any woman want to use that?” Clearly I could not identify. But according to Confucius, learning does not come until one is anxious to understand. And at that point on the bus, boy was I anxious. I decided then that half of the trouble I put myself through could have been avoided if I had not been prissy when it came to using the bathroom.

It’s still somewhat of a mystery why the choice is to make a hole look more inviting rather than have a full-size toilet. However, I trust enlightenment will come eventually. Perhaps just around some 90° corner of my square-inferring life all the answers to my questions wait. Until then, there will always be other points to infer and squares to complete, not to mention a plethora of public restrooms.

Inferring Three Corners after Being Shown One

2008-09-07T06:39:00.000-07:00

Confucius said, "A student should not be taught unless he is anxious to understand what he does not understand, and should not be enlightened unless he is eager to express what he cannot express. If he is shown one corner of a square and cannot infer the other three, the teaching will not be repeated." (Wangdao 165).

The saying comes from the section in my book called "On Teaching and Learning," a fitting place to begin. As this is an experiment, I do have an hypothesis. I can see where this could greatly apply to my language courses that start tomorrow. I am interested to see the 'express what he cannot express' part take shape in the upcoming week. I find that listening to people speak in their native tongue (whether or not it's your language), requires a good deal of 'inferring the other three corners of a square' in order to understand. In this sense, especially since the majority of my classmates are not native English speakers and my teacher will only be speaking in Chinese, I can definitely see how I might be doing a lot of inferring. I hope to! Overall, I am anxious and eager, and I hope that I won't forget it. It seems that as long as I keep a constant reminder for myself, that I might be able to infer the three corners and think outside the box.

A Short History of Confucius

2008-09-03T20:52:00.001-07:00

Confucius was born in 551 BC, during China’s Spring and Autumn Period. In this era, the nation suffered much social unrest. At the time many corrupt dukes ruled while the king remained a figurehead with little power.

From a young age Confucius showed an interest in studying the Classics. By the age of thirty it is said he began to teach in his home state, Lu. As his reputation grew, so did his political status until he became the Prime Minister of Lu.

While in office, he tried to instill the government with the moral values he felt were a key part of being a successful person and a respectable leader. The nobles in Lu, however, did not agree with his ideas on morality, so at age fifty-five, Confucius left his home. He and many of his pupils began to travel and teach across a large portion of China. When he was sixty-eight the new nobles of Lu invited Confucius to return. He took their offer and continued to teach until 479 BC, when he died at the age of seventy-three.

Throughout his travels his students found him to be pleasurable company, even a singer and a musician. Confucius also married and had one son, however, he survived both his wife and child. After his death, Confucius’ students came together to compile the notes each had taken during their discussions with the Master. They called the finished product Sayings Discussed, often translated as The Analects.

Behind the scenes: Preliminary information before the real blogging begins

2008-09-03T00:54:00.000-07:00

The only idea I had bore ridiculous resemblance to the commonly referred to ‘travel blog.’ I hated it. Countless people worldwide, some friends of mine, put their lives to URL every day. Perhaps my inferiority complex drove me to this point, but I remember a voice in my head saying, “You have to do something different.” However, all the ideas subsequent to this thought were lame at best. So I waited. I waited for inspiration to strike, for my muse to rush in, like a knight on a white horse, and save the day. And I prayed.

Finally, in the middle of the Confucianism lecture in my World Religions class my prayer was answered. I deemed it the Confucius Experiment and now, nearly six months later, it begins.

We all know something about Confucius and if you don’t you soon will. He lived at a time when major schools of philosophy were in their first stages of development. The prophet Isaiah lived within generations before Confucius, while the Greek playwright Sophocles lived right after. Siddhartha Gautama, better known as the founder of Buddhism, was Confucius’ contemporary. On every major continent, men like Pythagorus, Lao tze, Lehi and Nephi, and others were helping people put philosophies on human behavior into practice. From 140 BC his teachings have played a major role in the shaping of today’s China. His analects are sources of wisdom in that at the “core of morality, according to him, is humanity,” (Wangdao 14).

I have given much thought to the subject since that day in class. I know that he and his contemporaries had special roles to fulfill in their lives. My hope is to tap into the truths Confucius taught by applying one of his teachings to my life every week. For this reason I greatly look forward to how Confucius’ words will help me in a new country, especially since it is his homeland. As a sidenote, it is highly likely that Confucius never had a female pupil in his time. With that I will end here, leaving open-ended hopes for the upcoming semester fill in the blanks.